ABInBev Budweiser

Background:  With the American colony about to celebrate still having their independence I decided I should get into the festivities.  Since I did not k now what the saying “Bah mer-ah-can” meant (although it is forcibly shouted when heard) I decided I needed a different approach.  As such, I did some research as to what the most American Beer style was, and which Beer exemplified it.  It turns out that the words “clean, crisp, and cool”  are used as a style in place of the term “Lager.”   An interesting note; Americnos Lageros is Latin for “to blandly see through a medium more clearly than air.”  With a little research, it became clear that this was the best choice to celebrate what American is: The Budweiser is touted as being an American Beer, however it is owned by ABInBev which is a Belgian (not a state in the US) company.  Much like purchasing an American automobile, such as a Chrysler, who is owned by Fiat, which is an Italian (also not a state) company.

Color:  As is the typical with American Lagers, it is very light.  When I look at this in a glass I think one of two things:  by jove my water has jaundice, or yet again this poor establishment has refused to wash my glass prior to serving my San Pellegrino.  The closest descriptor I can muster would be similar to the color Icterine.

Taste:  I must admit that I have seen this Beer take some criticism from the educated Beer press for being bland and lackluster.  Many go as far as to say “similar to water.”  I feel as though this is an exaggeration for if given the choice between water and Budweiser, I would choose Budweiser.    I think a better description would be to imagine a 20g tea bag filled with biscuit malt, and a quarter hop flower steeped in carbonated water.  

Glen Finch Scotch Ale

Glen Finch Deer Head Scotch Ale

Background:  I must admit I haves been drinkning while a little bit before writing this.  As is the norm, I try the beer, and then review it because going it the other way is ignorant because then I haven’t had the beer yet so how can I possibly review it?  I finished off the Hopeyedidntfuckitup ale earlier today and a friend gave me this beer to review.  

Color:very light like Miller light.  Very little carbonation, but man does it kick.  I think the abv is 9.6 percent; it’s hard to read. 

Taste:  it states a lot like scotch and not a lot like ale.  It is impressive that a beer can have this much alcohol flavors to it.  I started in on my second glass, and I,ll be buggered if I cant; remember how many I had before it.  This stuff relllllay hits you.  Like an American football player.  Or like a sack of pots.  I like marshmallows.    

Name Tag Classic

Name Tag Classic

Background: Classic. In one word, this is an exemplary description. I am reminded of my Grandpapy's memories, sitting on a rocking chair, drinking a Beer. No particular name, no particular taste, just a beer. When I saw this timelessly labeled beverage sitting upon the shelf at the nearly local store whose name escapes me, (it is similar to Traitor Bose) I was sent back to a time when the male was a Man, and Beer was Beer. Even though I did not live during this time, I remember it fondly.

Color: The shimmer of this beer would have rivaled a polished piece of nearly clear Baltic amber. Lighter than some things which I can't cleverly think of off the top of my head, but I assure you are really light. If a color can be described as muddy, this would be it's antithesis. Possibly the best analogy I can think of would be what one might observe in the WC at a point of near perfect hydration.

Taste: It has the classically classic taste of a classic lager. To be perfectly transparent (not too unlike the Beer itself) the flavor is not what sold me with this particular beverage, it was the sales sign. It read similar to this message; “Name Tag: @ $2.99 for 6, it works.” At close to a metric 5% ABV it packs a classic whallop, and served ridiculously cold, your papillae will be classically impressed. Quite classic indeed.

Shorts Mystery Stout

Shorts Mystery Stout

Background:  It is a mystery that this bottle made it to my abode (not to be confused with commode, although they do rhyme quite nicely I do say).   I purchased what I thought to be a complete half dozen bottles of another brew, however when I pulled out the first one it turned out to be this beer.  True to its name, I am unsure how it appeared here whether it be osmosis, evanescence, or by any other vaporiously mediocre band named process.  It was there, and of course I had to drink it.

Color:  Dark.  Much like the famed Black-Brown wood coloring found at a famous Swedish furniture store.  The beer was dense looking, and I swear I saw something looking back at me.  This beer is rather unnerving.

Taste:  Unnerving, that is until I took a sip.  A familiarity swept over me which can be likened to having a freshly sun dried fleece blanket wrapped around my head.  This is no ordinary familiarity, nonsense.  This was the familiarity of meeting someone who you believe you have known all of your life.  It is not just a flavor phenomenon that I am trying to describe, but the whole experience around the tasting.  I felt as if I had had these flavors throughout my life, yet not at one instant.  Isolated, the different flavors are dare I say, drab?  Together, they share the acquaintance that only siblings from the U.S. State of West Virginia can have.  This is the least special, special Beer that I have had.  I think it is a mystery that although it is completely unremarkable, I have desired on more than one occasion, to purchase it again (knowingly this time).

Hopeeyedidntfuckitup Ale Investigation Into How I Effed it Up

Hopeeyedidntfuckitup Ale Investigation Into How I Effed it Up

The title explains it all; I was expecting the brew to come out around 7.9% ABV, at which point I would be getting close to the ball park of being able to bottle age this batch.  However, with a measured output of 5.1% I came up quite short.  I figured the best way to go about this was to assume complete fermentation, and look at my specialty grain conversion.  I never knew what my conversion efficiency was, so I figured I would investigate this.  As it turns out, I was about as efficient as a class A amplifier.

Using Palmer’s book I was able to reference what an ideal, and 85% efficiency conversion would have outputted for the grains I steeped.  I used these numbers to compare my measured output to, learning how good my conversion was.  Keep in mind, I used liquid malt extract as part of the recipe, and this should be considered 100% efficient.  I then worked backwards, using my measured original gravity, I subtracted the portion which the LME contributed, and then got how much my steeped specialty grains contributed.  From here I was able to divide this by the theoretical maximum and get a pretty good estimation of my efficiency.  I threw this into Excel to make it easier for the future batches.

Conclusions:  My conversion was about as good as Miller Lite is when compared to Burton Baton.  I will leave it to your imagination to guess what that means.  The next step is to figure out what I did poorly.  The first look brings me to this:  pH.  As a general rule of thumb, one wants a ratio greater than 1.0 of lbs of grain per gallons of extraction water.  I was under this, which could cause bad conversion.  Additionally, to avoid excess tannins I only steeped the grains for 30 minutes.  So on the next go round I will add 40% more grain, and I will steep it for about 60 minutes.  This should bring the efficiency up to better than tube amp status, and provide more grains to make my goal of around 9-11%.

Hopeeyedidntfuckitup Ale

Hopeeyedidntfuckitup Ale

Background:  I found this interesting drink in…my estate!  Yes, Hopeeyedidntfuckitup Ale was produced and is on tap at Casa de Tobias.  I must admit the name is not creative, nor is the idea for the brew.  There are multiple Vanilla Bourbon Stouts available but what sets this apart is its invention.  I traversed great distances to the nearest supply depot, with a well created recipe in hand.  However to my dismay, the depot had nearly none of the supplies which I had meticalisly planned for.  Thus, said name was mumbled under my breath as I grabbed things that seemed to match.  “What, I need roasted oat?  Roasted barley;  close enough, they both have ‘oaste’ in the names…”  I included bourbon, and the delicate flavor of real vanilla beans in this amalgam of guesstimation. 

Color:  darkish

Taste:  Surprisingly good.  It is often I make good beer, it is not often that part of the flavor that makes it good [to me] is not my own pride.  Actually, I might hypothesize that in fact, no beer that I have made thus far went unflavored by said placebo.  This brew truly is the first beer I have made in a few years of home brewing.  This is certainly not a pour of Bourbon County Rare by any fathom, but alas it is good.  

Sierra Nevada Ovila Dubbel

Sierra Nevada Ovila Dubbel

Background:  This Beer was presented to me in lieu of the libation of my quest; KBS.  It’s greatness was expounded to me by the shop attendant.  As his first recommendation to me was that of Fullers Ale 2007 about a year ago, I decided his opinion deserved consideration.  I quickly retraced the path I had taken to get there and arrived safely at home, bottle in brown bag under arm.

Color:  The beer was a bubbly translucent deep terracotta, like a fresh semi-dried brick hand made from the best of clay in Spain.  If I squinted, held my breath, spun in a circle three hundred and fourteen and a half times, and then looked at the glass with my eyes one fifth of the way open, I could actually see the Monks of the Abbey of New Clairvoix.  

Taste:  With all of the back story, the stones, and prayers I must admit I expected great things.  Alas, I must write that the tasting was less than this.  To use the word mediocre would be harsh, but only slightly.  I have had myriad other time (and inebriation) forgotten named ales with similar responses from my tongue’s flavor catchers.  What can be said is that part of the sale of each bottle goes towards the restoration of a twelfth century monastery, which although is not a flavor, it is nice.  I do look forward to this ale’s siblings, Saison and Quad which will be released in June and November respectively.